Elul IV: I Am Not Done
I am not done with my changes
Though it feels like I should be
After a year like this one
After a decade like this one
I have changed so much and been
so much changed
The life I live now would have been unimaginable
to 2015-year-old me
not the hardships
not the miraculous
But I wouldn’t change it Now
Having arrived Here
the Me that I Am
in the Place where I Am
with the You and the Them and the Us of it All
But I am not done with my changes
No matter how much I might want to freeze time;
hold fast here to this hard earned moment
I know that’s not how it goes
I will change
Everything will change
Life is not static
I am already changing as I type each letter
Cells dying, hair greying (shedding), heart expanding,
Learning, learning
always learning
always changing
with every breath, knowing it or not
You created us to change and so
change we shall
I choose to embrace it now
Not just because I know better than to fight it
Now, here, in mid-life where I am not in crisis
But the world is in crises
(plural!)
But because I know that change means possibility
Change means hope
Change means what is broken might still be repaired
Change means there might be even better, yet,
to come
I am not done with my changes
Though I love this Me and this Here and this Now
I am not done
We are not done
There is more
There is more