The following D’var Torah was written / delivered for Am Shalom Congregation, in Barrie, Ontario
(August 2025 / Av 5785)
As I mentioned last week, we have entered into the point of the Jewish calendar when we begin to do the work of introspection. We go back through our recollections of the past year to determine where we have erred, what mistakes need to be acknowledged and if there is any damage that needs to be repaired.
As if this task wasn’t daunting enough, there is an added difficulty – our memory! How can we be sure that we haven’t forgotten some incident of significance, or what if we are remembering the details incorrectly?
I don’t have to tell you that every time we retell a story, it changes – perhaps ever so slightly, or perhaps in more obvious ways. Sometimes this is because we forget things over time, and sometimes it’s because we’ve internalised events in such a way that we may end up remembering them differently than how they happened. This is part of why two people’s versions of the same incident are never identical. We see, experience and remember through our own individual lenses of perspective, awareness, trauma, biases, and even wishful thinking.
This is as ancient a part of the human experience as the Torah itself! In fact, in this week’s parasha, at the very start of the Book of D’varim, we see Moses, the greatest prophet to ever live, fall victim to this exact phenomenon.
What happens? Moses starts to review the history of the Israelites for the generation that is about to enter into Land. Now remember, this is not the same generation that experienced the Exodus themselves. That generation has now died-out in the wilderness.
In recalling the history of why the Exodus generation was not allowed to enter the Promised Land, Moses recaps the story of the 12 Spies, and the lack of faith in God which resulted in God’s determination that their generation was not fit to inherit the Promised Land.
As he retells this narrative, Moses identifies this instance as the reason that he also would not be allowed to enter the Land. Except . . . if we are remembering correctly, then we might recall that Moses’ sin – the one we usually identify as being the reason for his being denied entry into the Promised Land, was the sin of striking the water-rock, not the incident of the 12 spies and their lack of faith.
Besides, why would Moses be responsible for the sin of the 12 tribes? A well known biblical commentator named Abravanel explains that the sin of the water rock, “was not the reason that Moses was punished; rather, he was punished for his role in the sin of the spies (because when) God commanded Moses to send men to scout the land … the request was limited to ascertaining the ideal path to take (once they reached the land). . .
“(Instead, Moses) added to the mission of the spies and thereby compromised that mission.” The questions that Moses asked the spies to find out about – the strengths and weaknesses of the local population and whether or not the cities were fortified, “directed the focus of the spies to the might of the people (and) the strength of the cities,” which may have been what caused them to lose faith.
As Moses recalls this years later, he is, perhaps, struggling with his own sense of guilt. As their leader, Moses should have recognised that the people could be easily discouraged, and that they were quick to lose faith in God. He might have felt that he should have known not to add on to their mission by tasking them with reconnaissance that might prove disheartening.
If he had simply passed along God’s instructions,
and not added some of his own, the whole thing might have gone differently – the whole generation might not have been doomed to die in the wilderness! The people might have been allowed to go directly to Canaan, and not have had to linger in the hardship of the desert for an additional 38 years!
Perhaps it is this sense of guilt, of failure, that causes Moses to identify this moment as the one for which he is being punished. He failed the people and thus, must be unfit to lead them to their final destination. The punishment fits the crime. It’s a reasonable conclusion. And it seems that this is the story that Moses has been telling himself for all these years. And now, as he prepares to send the people into the Promised Land without him, he finally speaks his version of events aloud.
When we view Moses’ retelling in this way, it is easier to understand and empathise with why Moses is identifying this moment as his ultimate downfall, instead of the moment at the Water-Rock.
And yet, there is something else that’s troubling about Moses’ retelling of events. In his narrative, Moses says: “The Eternal was also incensed with me because of you!” Although Moses may be feeling a sense of guilt over his role in the whole 12 Spies disaster, he seems to be blaming the Israelites. “It was because of YOU!”
Here, we may be seeing a bit of Moses’ ego leaking out. This very public retelling of events is part of his legacy – part of his final charge to the Israelites before he has to cede his leadership and depart from them forever. As he is leading them through this review of their history, and of his, something prevents him from complete honesty. He does not want to be remembered for his failures. He wants the record to reflect that this pivotal moment was the fault of the Israelites, and not the fault of their leader.
This too, we can understand. Moses is coming to the end of his life. He knows time is running out. He wants to be remembered for his best moments and not his worst; for his achievements and not his failures.
We can have compassion for this aged-leader. We can acknowledge the complexities and challenges of leadership. We can reflect on the human frailty and fallibility of even the most successful leaders throughout history.
And even then, there is one more problem with this retelling. Moses’ rebuke to the Israelites, that it was, “because of YOU,” is generationally inaccurate. The people Moses is speaking to are the children of those who were present at the time of the 12 spies. They were certainly not to blame for it! So why does Moses make it seem that they should be?
Here, the Torah is perhaps reminding us of a critical part of remembering, retelling and repairing our histories – not our personal histories, but our communal ones.
Part of our obligation when it comes to t’shuvah – to repair – is to acknowledge the harms caused by previous generations. We may not be responsible for what happened, but we are responsible for ensuring that the work of repair has happened, or is continued. And, we are responsible to ensure that history does not repeat itself. Moses knows that these Israelites in front of him were not the ones to lose faith because of the 12 Spies. And Moses knows that this generation also struggles with faith. God has shown Moses the future – Moses knows that this and future generations of Israelites are going to fail to uphold God’s covenant. They are going to worship idols. They are going to stray from God’s commandments. So perhaps when Moses bellows down at them, “it’s because of YOU!” he is trying to warn them: take heed of the failures of your ancestors, lest you doom yourselves to repeat their mistakes.
In these few lines of retelling, Moses is reminding us of three important questions to ask ourselves during this period of introspection:
- When I consider the parts of my history that I feel badly about, am I remembering things correctly? Am I being fair and compassionate with myself? Am I being too critical of others?
- Are there things for which I know I need to take responsibility, but am not yet ready to voice aloud? How is my ego holding me back from the admissions that will lead to true repentance and repair?
- Am I doing my part to repair the world even though I might not have been the one to break it? Am I meeting my obligation to ensure that the mistakes of the past are not being repeated?
If each of us takes the time to really sit with these questions and to begin to do the hard and sometimes painful work of answering them, we will surely be better prepared to move through the New Year and the work of atonement more successfully than if we wait until the last minute to say a few quick and shallow “I’m sorry”s.
Throughout the book of Torah that we are beginning this week, Moses is reminding us of the importance of retelling and review. It takes time. It takes honesty. It is what we must do before we can move forward, into a new journey or a new year.
May we each make time for this work, and find ourselves and our world better for it.
Kein Yehi Ratzon. May it be God’s Will.