1 Elul 5786

Elul 1: What is the call that I need to hear?

You have been quiet lately, God.

Not that I have felt An Absence, exactly

When I reach for You, You are there,

and I feel You shifting and nudging the pieces of my life

on Your cosmic chessboard


And yet, 

I also feel blind and bound, at times

Inching forward at Your whim, instead of intentionally in-step

          more a pawn than a Partnership


My life’s winding path has taught me to trust in Your guidance

I know I will end up where I am meant to be

But I find myself in a season of mid’bar - 

wandering in a wilderness of uncertainty


Maybe this is how the Israelites felt

knowing their destination was ensured

but experiencing the hardship of the journey,

not sure exactly how difficult it would get before it begins to 

                     ease


In this Elul, will I hear a Call, a clarity? 

You are in the field, 

and I try to meet You there, but I have gotten lost 

                    somehow


Did I mis-step or is this part of what You are showing me?

Forcing me to walk slowly, gingerly, with arms outstretched

I feel my way forward, one-part anxious nerves-on-end;

one-part fully assured that yihiheh b’seder - it will be Okay.


At any moment, I might plummet - I am a breath away from disaster

                    And 

At any moment, I might cross over into the future I know is coming


I am spiraling, but I don’t know if I’m going down before I come back up -

                    as we do in the month of Av

or if I am standing on the banks of The Jordan - steps away from Promise.


The Israelites are there now, listening to Final Words

                     feet shifting restlessly, 

they rustle 

as they wait to hear the Shofar blasts

calling them home


- EKG’26