There were moments this year
when I thought I would never be okay again
when I was so broken and broken-down
that I wasn’t sure I could go on
I was truly in that Sheol place
that dark pit of despair
where I couldn’t find the light within
where I couldn’t remember my own worth
where I dragged myself forward
each day
for the sake of others
and not because I had a hope of my own
Tomorrow I will break again
With a pain unlike any I have known before
I brace for it and I know
I know
That there is nothing I can do to prepare
It will come
It will be agony
I will suffer
And
I know
That I will heal in time
Because after those dark moments
There WAS light
Because I am loved even when I don’t remember
how to love myself
Because I am held
even when all my pieces have fallen to the floor
Because I am not alone
even when I feel abandoned, rejected and reviled
In between the days of brokenness
have been days of joy, support, friendship, laughter,
HOPE
Today I am not broken
even as the hammer that will break me tomorrow
hangs above my head
Because behind that hammer
are so many hands
waiting to stitch me back together
with love
