Vayigash

The Torah speaks
of brothers reconciling
But can I be reconciled unto myself?
What is the secret?

Jacob
                             hides
everything that is dear to him
across a river
before confronting his demons.
He protects them
but is himself injured,
and his fraternal reconciliation is 
brief;
        incomplete

But Joseph gets it right.
He reveals himself 
to his brothers
He weeps openly
He keeps nothing hidden
     at the end.

And
he extends a compassion
we might not think they deserve
(we who are not always compassionate towards brothers)

He says:
You did not send me here.

He lays the blame
     (the credit?)
at God’s majestic feet

So the lesson
then
if I am to be reconciled unto myself
is to begin with revelation
To see myself
To keep nothing hidden
To risk what feels vulnerable
To weep openly
even in the face of those who once
     mocked me

And 
to find compassion
     within myself
     for myself
To rise above
     indignation

I did not land myself here
It was God who sent me

out into this life;
this sometimes harsh and unfair world
to struggle and survive
To pull myself
from the lowest of places, up
up to the highest
     (if I can)
To be a leader
To guide my brothers
     and sisters

whether they are going down to Egypt
or coming out again

I forge ahead
     sometimes slogging ahead, back bent
     sometimes head held high
but forging ahead nonetheless
So that I can shine the light back

That is what it means
to be Chosen
One has to choose

to accept that princehood comes with a 
price
That redemption comes
hand in hand
with revelation

I can choose to see myself
I can choose to embrace
     what has hurt me
and name it as a blessing
and demand blessings of it in return

That is the secret
of which Torah speaks

EKG’17?