Women
birthing
babies
is
the essence of everything
the beginning of us all
And yet
such a complicated thing
not a simple matter of choosing
where and when and how
A woman
can pray for a baby that never comes
can lose many along the way
can die trying to bring about life
A woman
cannot choose
to opt out
it seems;
is forced or berated or pressured
or judged
for not bringing about life
One woman
evacuates her womb
(HER RIGHT)
while another holds an abdomen riddled with cancer
and grieves the mother she will never get to be
And another
is mother
to a child from someone else’s body.
Women used to
bear babies onto one another’s knees
Was it a choice?
A burden? A blessing?
A gift?
What kind of woman am I if my bleeding body infuriates me?
Monthly pains and the promise of menopause
all inflicted on a part of my body I will never use
the way “God intended”
if only I could gift it to a woman who lacks what I have and actually desires it!
But
it seems we are meant to reconcile ourselves
to what our bodies can do or not do
regardless of what we want.
I am not Sarah, or Hagar.
I cannot relate to these stories of women who cannot have children and of women who can;
of women who seem to exist without choices;
Who bear or are barren
Who laugh or grieve or silently birth their own children
or someone else’s
I have choices.
I have exercised my choices.
I cannot find myself in these texts.
The Torah does not answer the questions of a modern day working-woman.
Instead,
I am the nameless woman at the side of the bed,
the friend, the sister, the priestess -
I hold hands and bring comfort and whisper blessings -
all around a thing I will never experience
as the central character.
I am content with this
If only the rest of the world could get on-board.
If only I could find myself
reflected
in a text where I am otherwise
Home
EKG’19